Zombieland – Pilot Review

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Or: “Where Netflix succeeds, Amazon falters.”

Pop quiz:  What is the opposite of good?  Answer:  You’re about to find out.

It’s “Pilot Season” at Amazon and what does that mean?  We get 14 ‘Amazon Originals’ whose overall popularity will dictate which ones move forward from pilot to full order.  Introduced by MIDWEST MIKE earlier in the day, Amazon made a pilot for a ZOMBIELAND series based on the movie by the same name.

Let’s quickly review Amazon’s logic:  Create a series from an iconic near-cult-classic-status comedy horror movie and replace amazing cast WOODY HARRELSON, JESSE EISENBERG, EMMA STONE and ABIGAIL BRESLIN with three no-name hacks and Earl from FORREST GUMP.  Ok, make that four no-name hacks.  I have never wanted four people to be more savagely mutilated by a zombie hoard in the history of zombie cinema.

On top of that, for some confounding reason, OnStar still works in Zombieland and is manned (womanned?) by what must be an ex-Discover Card employee.

The ZOMBIELAND Pilot might have worked better as an Ikea catalog, OnStar plug, Ensure ad or GMC Yukon commercial with the pompously obnoxious use of product placement.  Note to self: actively boycott these companies for thinking that any exposure is good exposure.  Hopefully the ad space was cheap.

Unoriginal, unintelligent, and infuriatingly stupid, I can only hope that Amazon’s “Pilot Season” fizzles out before some moron thinks it’s a good idea to actually produce more of this garbage.  ZOMBIELAND earns a strong F.