The Witches of East End – Premiere Review

witches_coming_spot_HD_768x432-16x9This one is difficult to publicly admit, but I had to put my man card on temporary hiatus while watching my very first LIFETIME series tonight.  In full disclosure, I have been unwillingly associated with the family of Lifetime channels from time to time because my MIDWEST WIFE is quite fond of LMN.  But I’ve never actually watched one purposely.

LIFETIME is trying to jump on the horror genre bandwagon with a witch themed schmaltzy drama called THE WITCHES OF EAST END.  I’m still torn if its appropriate to call it by its actual title or to call it “CHARMED 2”.  “CHARMED: The Next Generation”?  Or maybe “CHARMED -1”?  Let’s just say that it’s the same damn show.

More inside!

Two sisters have no idea that they are witches until their lives are put in danger by some insensitive males in their lives.

Ingrid (RACHEL BOSTON) =  the exact same character as Piper from Charmed.

Channing Tatum’s Wife pretty much = Phoebe

They even look the same.  And how about this?  There’s another black detective, only this time played by JASON GEORGE from GREY’S ANATOMY!  And a red demony guy.  And Mrs. Tatum is a bartender at a bar that plays alt-goth-rock.  And they live in what is essentially the exact same freaking house as the Halliwell house in CHARMED.  The only tangible difference being that there is one less sister.  But the mother has a sister, so that all kind of makes up for it.  Looking ahead a bit, FREDDIE PRINCE JR is going to guest star on an upcoming episode and his character’s name is actually going to be Leo.  Same.  Damn.  Show.

This is about the point in the article where MIDWEST MILLER casts his computer aside and lunges at the remote to add this show to his DVR.  Without question, he is the #1 male fan of CHARMED in the history of the world.  True story.

037972798af17dc1d6506d4c90ab3ad4THE WITCHES OF EAST END does nothing to break the Lifetime stereotype of chicks fantasizing about forbidden sexual escapades with overly-groomed funny named dudes while other less-groomed funny named dudes screw them over.  “Dash” and “Killian” are brothers.  Dash is the safe choice for Channing Tatum’s wife, but Killian is the dangerous (read: shirtless) one who seduces her with his long hair, leather jacket and two-day stubble.  The plot of the show is largely irrelevant, just think Charmed and you have the right idea.

For every shirtless dude there is a decently hot chick so there’s enough eye candy to warrant weekly viewing.  It’s not bad per se, but there are obviously better alternatives.  Although I would consider it a decent mid-ground between what you want to watch and what your wife wants to watch on an otherwise uneventful Sunday night.  Men: we do not ever need to relinquish our control over the television, merely give the illusion of control to the females in our lives.  This is that show.

Speaking of October/Halloween shows, AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN premieres this week!  So if WITCHES OF EAST END turns out to be a lame estrogen-fest, there will be plenty of identical subject matter.

C+ for the pilot largely because it’s a photocopy of CHARMED.  According to my wife, it’s an A+.  So work with that as you will.

3 Comments on The Witches of East End – Premiere Review

  1. It is similar to Charmed but i was a HUGE fan of that show and though this has some similarities the story line is different I watched the whole Charmed series over&over&over again, there is some differences and I will watch a couple more episodes of WoEE cause i think this will veer off into it’s own show and be pretty good!

  2. Anonymous // October 8, 2013 at 10:39 am //

    I am a huge fan of supernatural based television and I do agree with you it is exactly like charmed. I wasnt impressed I’m going to go ahead and stick with Supernatural and The Walking Dead. My vote on this unoriginal show, Lame! Sometimes you should just stick to what you know which is abused women and love stories

  3. Midwest Miller // October 7, 2013 at 8:51 am //

    Yes, I admit I am a huge fan of charmed. I do all own seasons on DVD. I have not heard of this show at all, but perhaps I am look into this…charmed version 2.0….

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