Who Will Be Brave Enough to Declare a Halloween Moratorium?

Please.  For the love of all that is sacred and holy.  Will someone please derail the halloween train?  We can’t get away from it.  It’s turning in to Christmas.  One of the fads about halloween that I hate, of the many, is that every flipping show on TV thinks they have to do a halloween special.  Enough I say.  I don’t want to see how every show somehow works halloween in to their season.  I don’t care about the costume mishaps, the costume misunderstandings, the costumes that don’t make sense, the costumes that aren’t funny, and the costumes that are clearly done by Hollywood make-up artists using the actual costumes worn by the original people in whatever it was they did their thing in that make it look clearly professional and like nothing you have ever seen at any of the halloween parties you have ever been to at any point in your life ever.  Is that a run on sentence?  You would think I would know this since I am now a professional writer but I don’t.  Remember in 8th grade when you did sentence diagramming and you were supposed to learn all the parts of speech and how they are to be used properly?  Well I missed that day.  I was at home pretending to be sick so I could play Contra.

Don’t you dare sit there and pretend that you don’t know the special code either.  I’m not buying it.  We all know that code.  Where was I going with this?  I feel like I got off track a bit but I’m not sure where I was when I was on track.  Was I talking about halloween?  Right, halloween.  Ok here is another problem.  What is up with all the slutty costumes?  Is there nothing that can’t be turned slutty?  I remember when those costumes first started showing up on the scene and I thought “U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!”  Honestly.  At first I thought it was a sign that we live in the greatest country in the world.  Fast forward a few years and now slutty _________________ costumes are so passe.  I am actually tired of seeing them.  I don’t know if that means I’m old or dying or both but it’s true.  Ladies, try a good old classic non-slutty costume.  Remember, it’s good to leave something to the imagination now and then.

Ok now I’m going to do what all good professional writers do and bring this thing back full circle, and say again that if we are asking women to leave things to the imagination every now and then, isn’t it fair that we do the same for our TV show writers?  Please writers in Hollywood.  Use your imaginations and please stop doing halloween episodes.

8 Comments on Who Will Be Brave Enough to Declare a Halloween Moratorium?

  1. For that matter, how could Monica and Rachel afford their apartment in NY? Also, last year’s Happy Endings Halloween episode was one of the funniest episodes of the season.

  2. Haha! The thing that annoys me the most about Halloween TV specials is that all the characters wear these Hollywood-perfect costumes that must each cost hundreds of dollars. Take the Dunphy family. Claire is a stay at home mom and Phil is sort of a Real Estate agent. And they’ve got three kids. How can they afford to decorate their home so extravagantly each Halloween and dress up with amazing costumes? OK, I know it’s only TV, but it bugs me to no end. (P.S. If I had a brother I guess I would have heard of Contra.)

    • P.P.S. RE Slutty Costumes: I’m glad I don’t get invited to Halloween parties anymore because I’m sure I would not be able to find a non-slutty costume.

    • Midwest Mike // October 31, 2012 at 10:45 am //

      Modern Family is exactly who I was talking about when I said that the costumes are always Hollywood level good. Who can really do their costumes like that? Do none of these people have jobs? How about bills for that matter? How can they spend the kind of money that they do on Halloween and still be able to feed their kids? Phil cannot be doing that well as a Realtor to allowe Claire to not work and live in that hosue they live in with all the things they have.

  3. Midwest Mark // October 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm //

    I find myself upset with you because I love halloween, but I simultaneously agree with you because I love Contra. This rollercoaster ride of emotions you just put me on must be the sign of a true professional writer.

    • Midwest Mike // October 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm //

      As I’m sure you know, the job of a professional writer is to evoke many emotions in the reader. Since I have done that, my work here is done.

Comments are closed.