Disclaimer: MWTVG claims no responsibility for the beer and/or chips spilled on your keyboard from reading the aforementioned headline.
In all seriousness, I stumbled upon an article in The Guardian (because the only legitimate news source on this side of the pond anymore is found here) which cites a study done by scientists at The University of Westminster that essentially says you can burn calories by watching horror movies. Any horror flick that has frequent “jump scares” artificially raises your heart rate and inadvertently doubles as cardio. THE SHINING, for example, can burn up to 184 calories while another one of my favorites THE EXORCIST can burn 154.
By furthering the delicate science behind horror-induced weightloss, I drew some pretty accurate parallels between the movies offered and the current batch of horror themed TV shows. This is in part to the fact that I am a MWTVG and not a MWMG. And by “pretty accurate”, I mean “totally based on my own opinion” which is about as scientific as one can possibly get.
THE WALKING DEAD would more than likely be worth 50 calories a pop, with AMERICAN HORROR STORY coming in a close second with 45 calories. SUPERNATURAL seasons 1-6 would burn a solid 42 (cautioning against season 7… the mere sight of a Leviathan can cause male pattern baldness). TRUE BLOOD (seasons 1-3 only) would burn 30 while the new 666 PARK AVENUE would burn at least 28.
Important to note that every 20 minutes of intense ARROW viewing is the caloric equivalent to eating a medium block of cheese.
Granted, the mere act of getting up off the couch is probably more effective than any of this, but us Midwest TV Guys need to take everything we can get. Real cardio is lame anyway.
Now it’s time to catch up on some of last week shows and work on defining my ab.