A dire warning to all Midwest TV Guys (and Gals) out there:
The moment that you might forget to fast-forward through the commercials, this guy might rear his ugly head and sap away your intelligence at the rate of approximately 1.5 IQ points per second. To the point that you find yourself yelling quasi-cogent obscenities at the television. Like I was doing earlier today.
Here’s my recommendations, Usell guy… tuck in your shirt. Take off that stupid vest and please remove the purple tie. Get a haircut and take a shower as I’m sure you smell like way too much CK1. Shave that garbage on your chin, for christsakes, and go get yourself enrolled in college. Take lessons on how to be less of a douche. Pop a Xanax. Stop talking like you’re from the hood, we can see straight through it. And move out of you mom’s basement. Sure you need a quick 60 bucks to pay off your drug dealer (and that “fancy vest” is fooling NOBODY), but how about you get a real job. And a girlfriend.
So make sure you fast forward the commercials EVERY TIME, and don’t say I didn’t warn you…