The Bachelor Fantasy Suites

overly attached girlfriend the bachelorWatching The Bachelor tonight all I could think of whenever any of the women opened their mouths was one of my favorite internet memes, the overly attached girlfriend.  I don’t know how Sean isn’t feeling like at any time he could go back to his bachelor pad and find a rabbit boiling in a pot on his stove.  These women are seriously crazy.

So tonight’s episode of The Bachelor was the fantasy suite episode.  Apparently this is the episode where everyone knows that we are going to go in to this room provided by ABC and we are going to do it.  I don’t have much to say about the specific “dates” other than to say that I was struck by how the only thing the women could say positive about Sean was how much of a hunk he was.  I don’t know if Sean likes that (we can’t tell because is personality is so flat all the time) or not but at some point he will get sick of it.  What exactly do these ladies love about him other than his abs?

Ok so Sean had solo dates with each of the women tonight and at the end of the date, he gave them a card inviting them to the fantasy suite.  I wasn’t sure what the point of the card was because everyone knew what the point of the date was.  Here is how I imagine the production notes going for this episode:

– Couple will leave together on a date.

– Cameras will film the couple doing date things.

– Cameras will film couple staring lovingly in to each other’s eyes.

– After dark, Sean will give the bachelorette an invitation to the bone shack.

– Bachelorette will pretend to be hesitant for a minimum of 3 minutes to give the  appearance of not being a hooker.

– Couple will then walk hand-in-hand to the bone shack, I mean fantasy suite, where they will of course spend the night talking and holding hands.

– Cue dramatic music and fade to black.

– Scene.

Cut.  Print.  Brilliant.

Ousted Tonight

ashlee the bachelorAfter baring her….soul…to Sean, it proved to not be enough to overcome not putting out in the bone shack, er, fantasy suite.  Look AshLee let me give you some advice.  If I take you out on an expensive date to say dinner and the theater, you better not lay any of that I’m waiting crap on me.  If that expensive date is on the other side of the world in Thailand, then it holds even more true, especially since there are two other women nearby who know what it means to get with the program.  So to all the ladies of future seasons of The Bachelor, learn this lesson.  If you make it to the bone shack, er, fantasy suite episode, you better be ready to play ball or you may as well get your bags packed.  ABC doesn’t cotton to virgins and they certainly don’t cotton to those who come on a show like The Bachelor and all of a sudden find a moral compass.

Now I wish I could get a picture of AshLee’s face when she got the news that she was being sent home.  Her eyes gave Sean the look that said she was figuring out which of his pets she was going to murder first and leave for him in his bed.  She walked out without saying goodbye to the other possible ex Mrs. Sean Lowe’s/the next Bachelorette’s and brushed right by Sean on her way out the door.  Sean tried to give her the reasoning behind the decision he made that was anything other than the real reason why he eliminated her.  Needless to say, AshLee wasn’t hearing any of it.

So now we are down to two women.

catherine the bachelor


lindsay the bachelor










Catherine and Lindsay are all that remain.  My feeling is that Catherine is the favorite.  I think he likes Lindsay but he likes Catherine more.  We are going to have to wait two weeks to find out who Sean will pick though.  Next week, The Bachelor will be a women tell all episode.  This should be interesting.  Of all the weeks I have tortured myself having to watch this show, I am actually excited to see this episode.  There is nothing like getting a bunch of angry crazy women who all hate each other in the same room together to talk about the man they didn’t get.  I can’t wait to see what Tierra does.  I think she is going to come to this show ready to rumble.  I think that Tierra is the leading candidate to get her own spot on The Bachelorette.  Either that or she will be on The Bad Girls Club.

The finale will come in two weeks and I just found out, the finale is three fricken hours long.  Three hours!!!!!!  Are you f-ing kidding me?  Three hours?  Who does ABC think they are?  Well, I’ll be there.  I haven’t invested this much time in this show to bail out at the end even though ABC seems to be testing my resolve.  I’m on to you ABC.  You are not going to break me.  I’m in this until the end.

So America, or the part of America that watches this show, who do you think is going to win?  Who do you think should have won?  Who do you think will be The Bachelorette?  Do you think there will actually be a wedding?  If so, what is the over/under on the time frame for a divorce?  So many questions.  Come tell me what you think!

For those who don’t know and who might now be interested after reading my brilliant article, The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays at 7:00.  There are just two episodes left so you better get in quick.



2 Comments on The Bachelor Fantasy Suites

  1. Midwestmikehasamangina // February 26, 2013 at 11:22 pm //

    If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re hooked. Which, by definition, makes you part woman. You can double check..but I’m pretty sure it’s a fact. And before you deny you’re hooked, keep in mind that you did just speculate on the next Bachelorette.

    • Midwest Mike // February 27, 2013 at 7:32 am //

      Would I be a professional if I wasn’t discussing my subject fully? As a professional, let me answer my own question for you, no, I wouldn’t be. And since we all know that I am a professional, it only stands to reason that I would speculate on the future of the show.

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