Party Down South – Things are Gonna Get Weird

Party Down South…they say it like it hasn’t already?  Because a fat dude with a tramp stamp tattoo that says “Tramp Stamp” is completely normal.  And it is also entirely acceptable to drink your body weight in distilled grains each and every day.

Urgent survey update (because I know you were all on the edge of your seats), the official new MWTVG-endorsed name of PARTY DOWN SOUTH is… BAGGIN’ BABES AND BONGIN’ BEERS (or B4 for short) which rode to victory with a whopping 42% of the vote. This week on B4, everybody pretends to be responsible adults and “go to work” at a local marina while drinking as much as they can possibly choke down between their shifts.  Another hour of my life well spent.

After watching this episode, I think Lil Bit and Daddy should open an OB/GYN practice with their clear grasp of health and biological sciences:

Dr. Lil Bit:  “I’m so confused.   Y’all just swapped saliva and juices and all this other stuff but y’all can’t share water?  Give her some water.  You already gave her everything else you got”

Please keep in mind that I try to use the syllabic spelling conventions sparingly, because if I typed what I actually heard, neither one of us could read it.

Daddy, M.D. :  “If you wake up next to a broad and you didn’t use a rubber, go straight to the bathroom, pour some Mercurochrome straight down yer pee hole.  I do it like a shot.  You gotta protect yourself, brah.  It’s all fun and games until somebody gets a scorching case of the hot-crotch.”  Author’s note:  Who remembers Mercurochrome??  I’m pretty sure that stuff could heal lepers and cure the blind.  I am unsure about using it inter-penisly, but I highly doubt you would be smiling afterwards.  If you just want to turn it colors, dip it in some freaking food coloring and save yourself the pain of mercury poisoning.  Or maybe that’s how you become a superhero.  Isn’t that how Doctor Strange got his powers?  Dare me to try?

Oh, and Mattie broke up with her verbally abusive douche of a boyfriend over the deer antler phone.  Have you ever noticed that reality shows frequently feature strange telephones?  JERSEY SHORE had their quacking duck phone.  PARTY DOWN SOUTH has their deer antler that I’m amazed hasn’t been drunkenly stabbed through somebody’s jugular as of yet.

Tomorrow, I’m going to call at least one person “Point Break” and see how it goes.

Murray: “Mattie looks like pretty much every stripper you’ve ever seen, i mean her ass is hangin’ out half the time, I know at this point it’s just a matter of time before all limbs and boobs come out”.  “All limbs and boobs” sounds like she is some sort of stripper octopus, doesn’t it?

They also go do some non-fatal muddin’ (Shain Gandee… take notes) Tiffany wigs out about lack of lasagna, Lyle got weepy about fighting, Mattie whooped somebody’s ass (“Where I come from, if somebody tells you somethin’, you knock their ass out”), Daddy pounded some beers out of a strange guy’s boot, Murray did some fat-guy stuff, they all did body shots at the bar, and Lauren continued to be depressed/creepy about the whereabouts of Lyle’s wang.

I’m not exactly sure what’s coming up next week because I’m not entirely sure what all happened this week.  I suppose we will find out together.