So the numbers are in, and PARTY DOWN SOUTH is officially CMT’S highest rated show they have ever had. Which isn’t a terribly high benchmark to hit when your average viewership is in the mid-to-high tens. Overall ratings have been growing significantly week-over-week with over one million viewers tuning in for episode 4. Can a bunch of rednecks even rationalize a million of something? I’m running under the assumption that everybody involved in the CMT network is mildly inbred, so let me break it down easily. It’s a bunch. Roughly equivalent to the attendance of four Indy 500’s. Not as many as a local network, MTV or Fox News, but way more than CMT deserves.
I would like to think that I am personally responsible for at least three of the million viewers if you include both my wife and myself. You’re welcome, CMT… I expect the check to be in the mail.
Anyway, after the drunken orgy that was the last episode of PARTY DOWN SOUTH – Did We Talk About Prison (aka Baggin’ Babes and Bongin’ Beers), the housemates wake up and try to remember the night before. So far, every night has been exactly the same consisting of a river of booze at least one person yelling/crying and capped off with awkward intercourse sessions.
Walt breaks it to Daddy that he took a swig of his piss from a Jack Daniels bottle that he relieved himself inside of earlier in the night. After discussing whether or not he would contract “herpes of the esophagus”, he justifies his newfound liquid appetites with the following:
“I’m lookin’ at it from the bright side. Walt drinks ALOT of beer, so hell, all I did was drink beer that’s been drank before. Hell, athletes drink pee. MMA fighters drink their own piss. For some reason they feel like it makes them stronger, I dunno. Hell, I feel pretty damn good this morning.”
They go to work and clean some boats for about five minutes before getting back to murdering their livers. Lauren and Lil’ Bit have a heart to heart about Lauren’s tendency to quickly sleep with men, and then they all get around a campfire to roast wieners and confess their innermost secrets.
Allow me to present the innermost secrets of the cast of PARTY DOWN SOUTH: Mattie had a bad relationship with a douchebag. Lil’ Bit also had a bad relationship with a different douchebag. Murray got divorced after his ex-wife slept with his best friend. Daddy had learning disabilities and got in a car accident. Lyle got expelled from high school, finished in a special ed program and knocked up some chick. Tiffany has absolutely nothing wrong with her. Walt talked about dancin’. Lauren tried to tell everybody some sob story about a dude between her knees and everybody ignored her. Then they all go running after a possum.
Important to note that the last paragraph is collectively the subject of at least 70% of all country music songs. Art imitating life has never been a more honest truism.
Now if you actually (unfortunately) watch this show, does anybody else notice that when they “go to work” only three of them ever go at a time and no more than one of them actually works while there? How much do these people actually make from sitting down and watching each other scrub boats? Their heavy drinking must be subsidized by all that CMT money they are rolling around in. Think Scrooge McDuck except they swim through their coins in the back of a Ford truck.
Mattie tries to talk to Lauren about Lyle which causes Lauren to get weepy. Lyle then talks to Lauren about something to do with gorilla glue and expected that to smooth everything over from their fleeting bang-session.
The chicks leave to go drink while the guys stay in and drink. Because they have a lot of variety in their lives. Lyle raps about his last name. Tiffany got sloppy drunk and from the looks of it gets into a fight with Mattie next week.
Once again an hour of television is dedicated to sleepin’, workin’, drinkin’ and fightin’. Forget the Emmys, I’m thinking we’ve shot straight into Nobel Peace Prize territory with this one. Next week? It looks like some drinkin’, fightin’, sleepin’ and workin’ but not necessarily in that order.