“Payback’s a Fish”, whatever the hell that means.
Who’s ready to par-tay? PARTY DOWN SOUTH, that is. Truthfully, I’m not in much of a partying mood knowing that after tonight I will need to wait a minimum of several months before these eight idiot savants grace my television screen once more. It’s been one helluva beer chuggin’ shot takin’ booty shakin’ chick bangin’ pants wettin’ dry ice bomb of a time. So we sit and wait for their return.
But will they return? Conflicting reports put the future of the show in a slight shadow of doubt after the cast seemingly gave in to CMT’S unwillingness to budge on per-episode payment, but reports of a strike by the cast continue to circulate. From their perspective, a measly $500 per episode isn’t much more than fast food workers are picketing for, especially when 95% of their take home pay is dumped straight down their gullets. At least they have access to affordable health care now, thanks to ZACH GALIFIANAKIS’S talk show, so their liver failure medicine will be at least marginally less expensive and their birth control is free!! In CMT’S defense, they are essentially asking for a 1400% raise, which at this point is the kind of increase only a MWTVG writer can realistically see (because anything x zero is still zero, kids… the more you know!). At last check, there are at least a couple of whole numbers between 500 and 7000, hopefully they can find some common ground.
Now for the finale:
Mattie is perhaps the sloppiest drunk I’ve ever seen, including all of reality television and even my college years. Think a liquored up Bruce Banner and you’re about half way there. At the River House, the chicks have another heart-to-heart about Mattie’s drunk alter-ego Martha and hug it out. The dudes clean their mess and they all take turns throwing up in the front yard. I imagine this is a southerner’s way of marking territory.
Now for a special segment I like to call Telling Women Exactly What They Want to Hear starring Walt Windham (attempt to not confuse with Walt Whitman even though the quality of prose is roughly equivalent): “I want to talk to you for a second. I just wanted to, maybe, apologize for my actions. I know I give you a hard time and everyone thinks I’m quote-un-quote an asshole, or whatever but technically there is a soft side to me believe it or not! Um, you know I don’t, um… as far as the whole feelin’ thing, you know, I don’t know if there was… there was somethin’ there that I missed or somethin’ but if there was, you know… great. And if it wasn’t, then awesome. Whatever. So, um… it seems like your self esteem is a little low right now. I don’t want you to take it personal to me because you are a very beautiful girl. You cook, you clean, you know, you do all that. I mean, one of these days, I mean you will make a man very happy. Just not me.” And… Walt OUT!
Mattie shakes her stuff on the dance floor that night which sends Lyle into a fit of rage that he tries to take out on a biker at the Beaver Bar. This gets them all thrown out and “The Boudreaux” gets into a verbal altercation with Walt. As much as I wanted to see Walt’s MMA-style takedown, it all ended in bro hugs.
Walt gets the genius idea to trim up every patch of his body hair and sprinkle it all in the girl’s blowdryers. In other words, I’m going to do the same thing to my wife tomorrow morning. The girls subsequently blow dry themselves with Walt’s pubes which gets them fake-mad and thirsting for revenge. They go down to the fridge and get some shrimp bait to stuff in Walt’s pillow. Aaaaand Walt doesn’t notice a thing.
A little bit of reminiscing (pun intended) on a booze cruise leads to weepy goodbyes. Except that Mattie and Lil Bit are planning on buying a bus and hitting the road or something like that. They all proclaimed eternal love for each other and Daddy bought everybody funnels as a going away present.
Murray was the first to leave, followed by Lauren, Walt, Mr. Boudreaux, and Tiffany with Daddy, Mattie and Lil Bit leaving at the same time.
Out of curiosity, I wonder what is going to happen now that Mattie is going back home to that raging douche of a boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? Relationships are so complicated.) Has he left completely or just knocked down their house in a fit of steroid induced fury? I think we will find out in the “AFTERPARTY” next week where the cast sits down and answers questions about everything we just watched for the past 10 weeks. Whoop-de-do.
So let me level with all of you here. I actually liked this show. It’s a great diversion from the rest of things that I watch on a weekly basis. One of the casting directors was interviewed recently and said that “casting is everything” which is something I couldn’t agree with more. BUCKWILD, being the spiritual predecessor here, was a cast filled with awkwardly pathetic kids. I’m not saying that the cast of PARTY DOWN SOUTH were all some kind of rocket surgeons, but at least they were interesting, had great chemistry and were genuinely hilarious. What more could you ask for? At this point, I’m just hoping all the cast members live to see the second season.
So TTFN, PARTY DOWN SOUTH… see you again real soon.