That’s not heartburn, bro… you just forgot to refill your Valtrex prescription.
After faithfully watching several episodes of PARTY DOWN SOUTH now, I think I’m starting to figure out what this show is all about. Sure there are a bunch of rednecks in a house who consume way too much booze, but my theory is that the real killer, the “True Detective” if you will is the beast inside of Lyle’s trousers. Now I’m not so convinced that PARTY DOWN SOUTH or B4 are accurate titles to this modern day Shakespearian masterpiece. Allow me to unveil the true title of PARTY DOWN SOUTH: “The Merry Adventures of Lyle Boudreaux’s Johnson”.
Now for this episode:
The drunkards go from one bar to another bar and continue the systemic destruction of their hepatic function. Mattie, Lyle and Daddy leave to go back to the house and the rest of them stay to party. Lyle gets super-weepy, emo and violent which is the magical combination to re-seal the deal with Mattie later in the night.
At work the next morning, they pick up a shovel for thirty seconds, take a lunch break and get home to continue drinking. Seriously, I think they have been chronologically intoxicated for about two full weeks at this point. Meanwhile back at the Beaver Bar, they all get into a hearty debate on the merits of American foreign policy… just kidding, they knock back shots and hump pool cues. Mattie works on flirting with other dudes while Lyle tries to unsuccessfully attract any willing woman towards his sensational southern sausage. Mattie ends up taking home one of her co-workers which pisses off Lyle and they sit down to have a drunken heart-to-heart (and by heart-to-heart I mean drunkfest bang-session). And the Merry Adventures of Lyle Boudreaux’s Johnson carry on. May hymns of praise forever be sung in its honor.
The next morning, they all wake up with massive hangovers and head to get all-you-can-eat BBQ for breakfast. This is clearly Murray’s time to shine and I have the feeling that the restaurant went out of business shortly after his departure.
Fast forward to that night. Presumably, they all passed out during the daylight hours because let’s face it–binge drinking for the camera twice a day for two weeks is hard work! The group mixes it up and stays in for the night. Murray dares Daddy to pee his pants. Never one to decline a gentleman’s wager, he obliges after making everybody promise not to tell anyone. Newsflash: all of America (or at least the bottom 3% plus me) was told. Not to be outdone, Murray lets a bladder full loose in his shorts. Lyle tries to keep up but ends up wetting his pants right in front of Mattie. Even for the penile alchemist that Lyle is, I think his powers of persuasion are starting to wane with that one.
They all go muddin’ the next day, get stuck in a giant mud pit and die. Wait, that was the other dumb hick show. Seriously, is it a bad thing for me to constantly joke about Shain Gandee’s post-BUCKWILD descent to the afterlife, or is blog-based ridicule just the high price of immense fame and fortune? Regardless of how you just answered, a) I can’t hear you; and b) I’m going to keep doing it anyway. In clarification, nobody from PARTY DOWN SOUTH wound up dying aside from the truck itself after Walt burned out the engine. By the way, it wasn’t even his truck and nobody seems even remotely be upset that he just destroyed a $40k+ vehicle. If Walt went muddin’ in MIDWEST MO’S prized ’94 Geo Metro (KBB Value being about 27 bucks) and burned out the engine, he would be soooooo pissed.
So in summary, this episode went something like this: Drink, bang, drink, bang… boom.