MTV’s Buckwild – Second Opinion

Why does the rest of the world hate America?  Let this be grade-A compelling evidence:

Buckwild

With MIDWEST MO officially sitting on a beach sipping mojitos while MIDWEST MIKE and MYSELF freeze to death in Chicago, we figured it would be best to give some time and effort towards MTV’s newest reality show even though this was intended to be MIDWEST MO’s territory.  Come to think of it, I’m almost certain he scheduled it this way on purpose.  In our staff meeting today, MIDWEST MIKE mentioned how terrible the series premiere of BUCKWILD was and recommended that I watch it for no other reason than to lose a little more faith in humanity.  So I did.  And I did.

The official second opinion?  He’s totally right.

The name “BUCKWILD” might be mildly misleading, as I think a much more appropriate title would be “SOUTHERN FRIED WHORES”.  And if the title was Southern Fried Whores, it might attract a little more of the 25-54 male crowd who would otherwise shun such bottom barrel dreck.  There’s my marketing genius at work.

I will make a stunning admission to all of you MWTVG readers:  There was a short amount of time that I actually regularly tuned into MTV to watch JERSEY SHORE.  Before you all come knocking on my door with torches and pitchforks demanding my man card, let me give two reasons: a) it was a MWTVWife show and b) there’s something oddly cathartic about being witness to complete and utter trainwrecks.  Similar reason as to why I like HOARDERS.

More inside!

And love it or hate it, JERSEY SHORE actually developed compelling and unique characters among the cast members.  Yes they were all abnormally stupid, but in that case it was more endearing than enraging.  It became fun (in a way) to watch Ronnie and Sammi try to kill each other while The Situation managed his VD collection and Snooki peed on floors.  I think what made the show lame is that they stayed in the same damn house every single season, so it got extremely repetitive extremely quickly.

Now enter BUCKWILD.

Think Jersey Shore only ultra-dumb which is really an amazing statement if you think about the implications of what was just said.  It follows the same standard JERSEY SHORE/THE HILLS formula of stupid clip followed by stupid song followed by stupid clip, et cetera ad nauseaum.  Every promo for the show calls it “crazy fun times”, but  I suppose that would depend on your definition of “fun” as I would much rather be waterboarded by Hillary Clinton in red lingerie than ever watch one more frame of this show.

Episode 1:  Let’s all git in that there redhead’s pants!

There’s a mumbling redneck with a misspelled name,  third grade education and a white trash moustache, some Justin Bieber lookalike that is fond of sloppy seconds and the pretty boy (read: non-inbred) guy that ends up sealing the deal with the new redhead chick.

(important note:  MIDWEST MIKE likes to cite his ‘journalistic integrity’ as the reason he tries so hard to shy away from insensitive redneck jokes.  I, on the other hand, have zero integrity or shame.)

Shain (dumb mumbling mustachioed redneck) is a good example of somebody who has been so harshly neglected by natural selection that you would imagine he has made some sort of Dorian Gray-esque pact with Satan himself.  I would hate to be in the room when that deal goes south.

And then there are about a half-dozen sex-crazed females that get thrown out of their house for pissing off the neighbors and move into a barn out in the middle of nowhere.  And they all look approximately 13 years of age.  And there’s a random naked Bangladeshi.  Because MTV is all about diversity.

So… mark me down as never willingly watching this show again.  As scary as it seems, the premiere of BUCKWILD attracted one million more viewers than the premiere of JERSEY SHORE.  Myself and MIDWEST MIKE account for two of them, so who the heck are the other 999,998 saps?

Now I’m afraid that after watching it once my wife will adopt it as a JERSEY SHORE alternative… at that point I might just up and bury my TV in the back yard.

10 Comments on MTV’s Buckwild – Second Opinion

  1. Don't worry about it // February 3, 2013 at 9:31 am //

    I guess you all are a bunch of closed minds. I guess that’s what bein a TRASHY Yankee does to you. Let people live how they want too. I’m white and I live in a small town and we do things that way, but that would make me trash. Stop being so judgemental. Remember how all the guys on jersey shore cast would screw anything that walked, cause I do. It’s okay for you to call females whores. Why not put a I’m surprised I don’t have a STD on Mike, Vinny and Paulys head? Frankly, I know a lot of people who liked buckwild better than the same old shit on jersey shore.

    • Midwest Mike // February 3, 2013 at 1:26 pm //

      We weren’t around as a website yet to fully bash The Jersey Shore like we would have. And if you do things like these morons on this show do, then I guess MTV really has their finger on the pulse of the redneck stereotype.

    • Midwest Mark // February 3, 2013 at 2:23 pm //

      No closed minds here… we’re just honest enough to call idiots idiots. The Jersey Shore people were idiots too, but simply made better characters that were much more endearing than a random baker’s dozen of small town rednecks. But you’re absolutely right… Jersey Shore would have been 20X more interesting if they didn’t stay in the same freaking house every season.

      And I’ve probably done twice the stupid crap that these BUCKWILD people do on a weekly basis, but the difference being I don’t televise it all for the world to see. Forget me being judgmental, they need a tiny shred of modesty.

  2. Jesse keller // January 10, 2013 at 11:15 pm //

    Call them white trash all you want but what are you to them. Just a piece of werid trash.

    • Midwest Mark // January 10, 2013 at 11:50 pm //

      Thanks for stopping by Jesse, and I really do appreciate your permission for me to call them white trash all I want. They are white trash. Trashy trash trash.

    • Midwest Mark // January 10, 2013 at 11:54 pm //

      and on second thought about who I am to them… I bet I’m a bunch of words on a computer that half of them can’t read. But as far as whether or not I’m weird/wired/werid/were trash (I imagine the latter to be some sort of white trash werewolf), I’ll leave that up to Shain to decide… he’s the sanitation professional after all.

  3. This post makes me really hate MTV.
    The upside is that we won’t likely be competing for jobs with these wild bucks.

    • Midwest Mark // January 5, 2013 at 3:56 pm //

      That would seem like the upside Julie, but keep in mind that these idiots are going to hypothetically make hundreds of thousands of ‘MTV dollars’ that we never will. (sad face)

  4. Midwest Melissa // January 4, 2013 at 11:32 pm //

    SOUTHERN FRIED WHORES…hilarious.

  5. Midwest Mike // January 4, 2013 at 11:16 pm //

    “somebody who has been so harshly neglected by natural selection that you would imagine he has made some sort of Dorian Gray-esque pact with Satan himself.”

    That’s a funny-ass line right there.

Comments are closed.