Pillsbury has a new mascot that they have come up with to help them sell their toaster strudel and I’m here to tell you that Hans Strudel is here to murder your family. He most definitely isn’t here to schlep for Toaster Strudel.
Have you seen the commercial? The only person in the family who gets what is going on here is the dad. His dad warning radar is going off but everyone else in the family has already been taken in by Hans’ charms. The mom even says “don’t over think it.” Isn’t that what Jim Jones was telling his followers when he was feeding them delicious Kool-Aid brand Kool-Aid? Why aren’t they all running from the house screaming in terror? Why don’t they get help while they still can? There are so many questions.
I’m not an advertising genius (I’m not any kind of a genius) but I do know this. There is nothing cute about German kids. I’m sorry to all of our fans from Germany but seriously. Whenever you guys talk it sounds like you are plotting to overthrow France again (in a related story, the French have surrendered to Hans Strudel). I am 100% positive that Hans Strudel came out of a corn field and he is now here to begin his reign of terror.
In case you haven’t seen it, here is the creepiest commercial to come out in several years that has me convinced that Hans Strudel is here to murder your family:
Are you with me on this? Are you as sure as I am that what Hans is drizzling on top of that delicious pastry is really a roofie? The sad thing is that when you watch that commercial, you realize that the family is dead and they don’t even know it yet. Haunting.