Hans Strudel has got to be one of the creepiest product mascots in recent memory. Hans is back with a couple more commercials from Pillsbury and I am convinced now more than ever that Hans Strudel is here for your soul. Do not believe him when he says he is here to give you a tasty pastry. That is a ruse. That is how Hans is getting in to your house. “Do not trust the horse, Trojans. Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts.” Virgil’s Aeneid, Book 2, 19 BC. How about that huh? I bet you didn’t think you would get some classical literature thrown at you here but anything we can do to save you, we are going to do. If you learned nothing from watching Brad Pitt’s muscles in Troy I hope you learned not to let people in to your house because they are bearing gifts.
Let’s take a look at some evidence for how I know that Hans Strudel is really here for your soul. Here is one of Pillsbury’s most recent commercials starring Hans.
Hans Strudel Get Zem Going
Do you question the power that Hans has that he can just make a door fall of it’s hinges? Why is that family not running for their lives screaming in terror? See what I mean when I say that he is just using tasty strudel as a ruse to gain entry? If I come to your house and kick your door in with machine guns blazing in both hands, you’d probably freak out a bit. But what if I had strudel? You’d welcome me in with open arms.
Let’s take a look now at where Hans is from. Pillsbury has provided a video of Hans’ home town, Breakfürg. I don’t know where Breakfürg is but if I had to guess, I’d say its just west of Hell.
Hans Strudel Welcome to Breakfürg
Now that you have watched that once, we can analyze it and I’ll show you how Pillsbury’s use of music caused you to misinterpret what is going on in Breakfürg.
:12 – Hans has dominion over the beasts of the earth. I’m not a biblical scholar but I’m pretty sure this is the sign of some kind of evil powers.
:19 – Look at the look on that woman’s face. Clearly she is running for her life.
:27 – Sure. That’s a “spa” you are going in to old man. I’m not buying it. That line has been used before.
:36 – Hans is clearly making the townsfolk fight each other to the death for his entertainment.
1:06 – Hans planting his flag triumphantly on the land that he is now the dark lord and master of.
Pillsbury was smart with that silly and fun yodeling music they used in that commercial. It makes it hard to really get the message of the commercial. Let’s try that commercial again with different music and see if we get a different result.
Hans Strudel’s Horror Town
Is it still the same commercial? Do you see what Hans is up to? We aren’t buying it Pillsbury. We know what Hans is up to. He’s not here to deliver tasty strudel. Hans Strudel is here for your soul.