Guy Code – Season 3

MTVSo we had a production meeting this morning to review our blog’s stats and figure out how to get more traffic and thus retire sooner.  The answer?  Cover more MTV shows.  Having drawn the short straw, I got to watch GUY CODE.

We know you can’t get enough of Midwest Mark’s review of BUCKWILD, but he has become noticeably slower since he started watching that show.  We were afraid he might completely revert to a child like state if we made him watch any more of these shows.

Admittedly, we are late to the party as the show has recently started it’s third season.  I surmised that the premise of the show is to tackle tough issues facing guys and how to deal with those issues using the “Guy Code”.  The format appears to be they bring up an issue and have a bunch of different people comment on the issue.

So let’s dive into Season 3 Episode 1.  First issue is one that I haven’t really had too much of an issue with since maybe high school.  Any guesses?  Yes it’s boners.  My favorite comment was from one of the guys who said the best thing about a boner was that you could scratch your penis because you can’t really scratch it otherwise.  His friend looked at him and asked why he needed to scratch his penis so much.  I’m only 10 minutes into this “documentary.”

If you are so inclined, I will review the rest of the episode.

More sage boner advice about how to hide a boner.  One guy tucks it under his belt and pulls his T-Shirt over it.  He calls it, “putting his gun in the holster with the safety on.”  What else, you need to enjoy every boner you get as you never know when it’s going to be your last.  Don’t look a gift boner in the mouth ladies (it’s from the show not me seriously).

Have we had enough boner talk?  Next topic when and how to pop the question.  What is the best time – guy code says when you can’t hide that baby bump anymore.  Also, you must have had enough sex so that you know how she will perform.  You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it (note to you idiots, it drastically changes after marriage so the test drive is somewhat pointless).  You need to stay away from the chick that cares to much about the engagement ring.  That’s a sure sign that the chick is crazy.  It can’t end in anything other then divorce.

My god, I’m only half way done.  Next issue actually hit home with me.  So your fat, what does guy code say.  A general consensus seems to be that food causes you to gain weight.  Then they had 6-7 ridiculously hot girls on explaining why fat guys are so hot.  Alright, I take back everything I’ve said up to this point, this is serious stuff they are covering here.  One big guy code point here – no guy wants to talk to another guy about their weight.  That is actually true.

Right before break they had a small segment about if you’re lucky enough to get your girl to agree to a menage-a-trios, short of winning the lottery, how can you increase the odds of it happening again.

  1. Don’t kiss the other girl
  2. Don’t use protection with one and not the other
  3. When you are done, don’t cuddle with the other girl

The last topic is about how and why to throw a house party.  This can’t be directed at me.  I own my own house.  Why in god’s name would I want to have 100 strangers come over and trash it.  According to the show, your chances for random sex increase due the proximity to bedrooms.  I’m pretty sure my Midwest wife frowns on me having random hook-ups (or whatever the kids are calling it).

So that’s it.  Episode 2 has aired already, and I will get to it shortly.  I can’t stomach the thought of watching another one right now.  If you’ve made it this far, what is your problem?  Did somebody not hug you enough when you were young?  Well, here’s a clip from a previous season about contraception.  Enjoy.