Buckwild – Raging Bulls and It’s Not a Date

r-BUCKWILD-MTV-large570

Break out yer banjos and chew… it’s time for BUCKWILD!!

And now introducing a brand-new high-tech and cutting-edge MWTVG feature… hit the jump and scroll down to the bottom of the page for background tunes while you read.  Enjoy!

So Ashley thinks it would be fun to ride bulls at the rodeo.  Real bulls.  These idiots.  Riding real bulls.  I have never wanted to witness a genuine televised maiming so much in my life.  Perhaps Darwin himself is all limbered up and ready to swoop down to finally claim Shain?  Fingers crossed…Shain goes first and (unfortunately) walks away unharmed.  Tyler gets bucked off immediately followed by Joey who actually stays on for a good while.  Salwa’s boyfriend Najee rode the bull like he does it professionally.  So what does that say about Salwa?  Read into that as you will.

As far as the girls, the bull rode Ashley, er… Ashley rode the bull for a good second or two. Katie wussed out and jumped off the bull before it started.  Cara was on for a whopping 0.7 seconds.  Now based on their bet, the girls need to cook dinner in their underwear.  Which they do while the fellas hoot and holler about their lady parts.  This is wild and crazy, remember?

On a side note, Salwa’s shirts are cut so low that she might as well not even wear them in the first place.  When you need to measure your cleavage with a yardstick, you’re probably doing it wrong.  Or you’re doing it totally right.  I suppose that’s in the eye of the beholder.

Who the hell burns out in a ford focus?

The girls, clearly distant relatives of Albert Einstein himself, think that filling their air mattress with water out of the ‘crick’ would make a magically-awesome waterbed.  When that (obviously) didn’t work, they try to fill it with water out of a bucket from the second floor to the ground.  Wild and crazy indeed.  The guys then build a ‘horse’ out of a rainwater barrel and some ropes.  Guess what?!?  Everyone falls off.

Shain takes his truck (formerly described as his pride and joy) to the junkyard to get crushed.  And I quote from his eulogy:  “Well Ranger, you’ve been fun.  A few threesomes, DUI, a few mudholes, snorkel, you did good.”  All in all, he makes out with $334 bucks which he promptly invests into a new truck that he burns out 45 minutes later.

Now for a new weekly segment I like to call “Deep Thoughts With Shain Gandee”

Shain_buck_wild

“You know, I’ve had more girlfriends than I’ve had trucks.  You know, but I get more attached to my trucks.  Because they don’t bitch at me or tell me when I need to be home… because they’re the ones takin’ me home… (creepy chuckle)”

 

 

Ashley convinces Joey to take Shae out for a fancy dinner.  He formally asks Shae out on a date which really surprises her.  But didn’t surprise me.  Because MTV scripted it for them and all…  Nothing says hello like muddin’ in your girlfriend’s front yard before picking her up for a date!  After dinner, Shae takes Joey skinny dippin’ in the lake.  Except they don’t really skinny dip.  And then they go back to Shae’s house where Shae dresses up like a naughty schoolgirl.  And they go into her blacklight closet-bedroom to do things that would make a porn star blush.  Wild.  Crazy.

Next episode?  A “wild and crazy” game of truth and dare.  And mud jousting.  And some sort of sort of West Virginia Blair Witch Project, obviously cashing in on the ‘found footage’ craze.  Because this show is scripted as hell.  And what the heck, Cara’s bi!  All this and more next Thursday on MTV.