Warning. The following post features wild and crazy language that could result in serious personal injury or property damage. MWTVG and the writers insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any articles posted on this blog.
Three episodes into the season (or technically six episodes since they are toying with some sort of double-episode high wizardry), some trends are starting to emerge in this MTV masterpiece that I prefer to call SOUTHERN FRIED WHORES. The chicks create drama, the guys are idiots, they all get drunk and play in the mud, and it is all set to extra-generic crappy punk/emo rock music. Well played, MTV. Well played.
Much, much more inside…
Ashley tells Shae that Shae’s boyfriend Jesse not only tried to hook up with Salwa, but tried to hook up with her too. Bear in mind that Ashley looks like she would ask you riddles if you dared to try and cross her bridge. Shae then drives over to Jesse J’s house to break up with him and to move out. And then promptly moves in to the girl’s house in their wild-and-crazy closet.
Come to think of it, Ashley is not the only cast member that took a swan dive into the short end of the gene pool. These are all relatively funny looking people. Not like I would personally win any Mr. Universe contests (yet anyway), but there’s no cameras filming my wild and crazy blogging sessions for a reason. An appropriate prerequisite to being on TV is to be at least halfway visually appealing. In this case, the girls attempt to make up for their shortcomings by exposing several yards of cleavage among them at any given moment. While not visually unappealing, chicks having boobs is something I have been aware of since I was but a wee lad and is certainly not foreign territory on MTV. Thus, voiding out the cleavage argument just leaves them looking funny. And that doesn’t even begin to get into the dudes…
I tried to pitch some sort of drinking game to my wife involving how long it takes before Salwa gets naked again. Unfortunately we struck out on this episode, so we expanded the scope to all unnecessary nudity. My stopwatch is out and primed. in 4:42 we’ve already devolved into a Salwa-starring wet t-shirt contest. The troll tears off her top at 31:16 if you’re in to that kind of thing. Salwa running in slow motion is seen at 34:55 followed by Shae’s underboob at 52:19. However one cobbles the aforesaid information into a drinking game is now up to you.
An extremely drunken Jesse J (who may or may not be the dirtiest person I have ever seen) gets the snot beat out of him by Tyler. High fives for all!
Justin Beaver and Tyler go “Job huntin” since they’re out of beer money. Clearly having an extensive resume and deeply meaningful life skills, they push-mow what seems like 25 acres of yard then promptly retire from the landscaping industry for good. They had a solid run while it lasted.
By the way, if the Obama administration needs any more reason to completely eradicate the second amendment, just reference this episode. Mathematically speaking, (Hicks + (shotguns + rifles))^booze = clear and present danger for all of America.
Its Joey’s (Justin Beaver’s) birthday! What better than truckin’ drinkin’ and makin’ potato guns? Shae lickin’ apple butter off his navel. Afterwords, they speed away on a 4 wheeler to the top of a hill to go bang. Because a bed isn’t quite buckwild enough. And where they’re going… they don’t need roads. (had to work in the BACK TO THE FUTURE reference in there somewhere)
Cara, Shae and Ashley also get matching ‘NPS’ tattoos. Much like MYSELF, MIKE and MO have matching MWTVG tramp stamps. Let the record reflect that we did it first. Does that make us wild and crazy too? Call us sometime, MTV.
Next time? Bull ridin’, car smashin’ and skinny dippin’. Yeehaw.