The Bachelor 2014 week 7. Incredible that we are now done with nearly 2 months of The Bachelor. I feel like I’m in one of the deeper levels of inception where one day is really 40 years because there is no way this is only the 7th episode. After traveling around to various war zones, Juan Pa and the ladies head to beautiful and scenic Miami. If you happened to forget, Juan Pa is from Miami so guess who’s there. That’s right. Juan Pa’s daughter! Hey, did you know he’s a dad? I had no idea. They never, ever, ever talk about it on the show. So Juan Pa “surprises” his family with his return despite the fact that there are cameras already set up inside the house and a camera following Juan Pa in to the house and everyone there has their hair and makeup done for TV. Yes. It was a total surprise.
The First Solo Date
I can’t be the only one sick of listening to Sharleen talk about how much better she is than this entire process. Whenever she has solo time in front of the camera, she bitches about the process and how this just isn’t the right fit for her and blah blah blah. When she’s with Juan Pa though, she can’t wait to attach herself to his face. She is by far my least favorite of the women. Her act is irritating as crap. Hey Sharleen, you are on a reality dating show and you haven’t stopped sucking on Juan Pa’s face. I don’t care what you say about any of this. You are not better than any of the other fame whores you are surrounded by. In fact, you are worse. You pretend like you are better than those around you when in fact, you aren’t.
Sharleen reveals her big dark secret that she has put her career before her personal life. Shocking. I’ve never heard of anyone doing that. I don’t know if it’s the producers telling her to make everything more dramatic, but what she had to say isn’t a big revelation. It’s pretty much life for a lot of people. Priorities shift and change. That’s what happens to adults in the adult world. Sharleen acts like she is curing cancer though and has the secret recipe in her head but she is too good to share it with anyone.
As the date continues, we get more kissing from Juan Pa and Sharleen. For the love of all things holy. ABC. Please. Stop with the close-ups of the kissing. And seriously. Do you have a boom mic right at their faces? Do women like this? Ladies? Really? It was like a torture scene. I’d rather have to listen to fingers on a chalk board while someone is giving me paper cuts and pouring lime juice in to the cuts than be forced to watch Juan Pa’s kissing technique of trying to bit off the woman’s lower lip.
I guess we are at the stage of the game where roses are no longer being handed out after the solo dates because Sharleen didn’t get one and she didn’t get sent home. Instead, we are treated to more bitching from Sharleen about how big a decision it is for her to take Jaun Pa to meet her family. She of course has very clear and strict rules about how these things go down and she is totally unwilling to compromise for a reality TV dating show because you know, she is better than everyone.
We are getting a bunch of drama about whether she is going to stay or go. Seriously. I hope she goes. If ABC is building this up to some big decision only to have her say that while all this other stuff I’ve talked about is soooooo important to me, I’ve decided to toss all that aside for the show, I’m going to be pissed. Just go already Sharleen. If you won’t take him home to meet your family, what are you going to do on the night where you spend the night in his room? Please just go away already.
The Second Solo Date
Nikki gets the second solo date and ABC has thrown us a twist. We are used to solo date, group date, bitching about each other time, second solo date, cocktail party/my sob story time, rose ceremony. Now ABC is giving us solo date, solo date and I don’t know what to do.
Nikki’s solo date was to get to go watch a dance recital with Juan Pa’s daughter. Hey, by the way, did you know Juan Pa is a dad? In case you have forgotten, he has a daughter. We wouldn’t want you to forget that point.
I have a question for the other parents of the girls in this dance recital. WTF are you thinking signing off on the release forms to allow your daughters to be shown on camera for ABC? Are you thinking this is going to lead to some kind of acting gig for them? How much did you get paid to sell your daughter off to be used on a reality TV dating show? You must be so proud of yourselves.
Juan Pa’s daughter (yes, he’s a dad), somehow manages to get a solo during the dance recital. It’s weird how that works out. ABC cameras everywhere and of all the girls in the recital, she’s the one to get picked. I’m sure this is all on the up and up and not completely a set up at all.
After the recital, Juan Pa takes Nikki to his job at Marlins Park, home of the Miami Marlins. I wonder if ABC knows who is watching this show. How many fans watching the show even recognize they are in a baseball stadium? And the Miami Marlins? The people of Miami don’t even care about the Marlins (they are one of the worst teams in the league with attendance). What makes ABC think anyone else is going to care? That would be a date more suited for Nikki’s boyfriend to go on than Nikki herself.
She quit y’all! Ding dong the witch is dead! She acted all conflicted and torn about the decision but she still made it. I didn’t buy any of it at all. I’ve made no secret about not liking this chick so for her to go ahead and quit is a good thing.
Juan Pa tries to soothe her and smooth talk her but his Latin lover ways had no effect on her. Her principles are just too strong for this show. She of course signed up knowing full well what the show was and how it worked, but no, she just couldn’t take it. Whatever. Peace out nut job.
The Group Date
Sharleen’s departure makes things a bit easier for the rest of the women. There will be just 4 women left by the end of tonight so 1 more needs to go. The group date time gives the women time to make a final case to Juan Pa for why they should be continuing on. I’m wondering if ABC is telling the women to all act as if taking Juan Pa to their home is a big deal. While it may be a huge step in the real dating world, I find it hard to believe that any of these women are really all that conflicted about the next step in the process. They all know exactly how this is going to go and to be at this stage of the game means they are that much closer to being chosen as the next Bachelorette. You are going to have to make it to the final four to be considered for the next Bachelorette so all the women knew going in to that selection process that the hometown was part of the game. Their feigning concern about that step is very transparent.
There was one rose to be handed out at the end of the group date and that went to District Attorney Andi. This means that Andi got to be alone with Juan Pa for the rest of the date as the other women were sent back to wherever it is they are being staged for the show. This did not sit well with stalker Clare who felt that she was owed something special because she has been opening up to Juan Pa. I am more convinced every week that if she isn’t picked by Juan Pa at the end, that she will be mailing him locks of hair for the rest of her life.
Juan Pa took Andi to a club where some guy named Romeo Santos was performing. He’s listed in the description for the episode as if everyone knows who he is. I don’t know if I’m too old or if I am out of touch with Spanish music but I have no idea who he is. I worked in restaurants for many years so I’m sure I have heard him on the radio at one point or another but didn’t know who he was.
While Andi and Juan Pa are on their date, we cut back to the house where the claws are coming out. Clare and Nikki get in to it over I don’t know what but it’s our first real girl fight of the season. Both of these women feel they are the front-runner for Juan Pa’s heart so it’s not a surprise that they would clash at some point.
The Cocktail Party
Absolutely my least favorite part of this show every week is the cocktail party. All we get here is one on one time from each of the women where they tell Juan Pa some sob story meant to talk him in to keeping them for another week. Nothing new is learned during this time and I doubt that anything said during these conversations changes anything about the rose ceremony. ABC just adds this time so they can keep the show at 2 fricken hours every week.
The only thing different this week is that the fight between Nikki and Clare continues and both show how mature they are and exactly what it is about them that made coming on a reality TV dating show a logical choice.
There was a stretch where it was just Nikki and Clare sitting together not talking. ABC added a cricket sound track over the silence to highlight the tension. Hey ABC, crickets don’t live in Miami, at least according to Penn St. they don’t. So very funny adding them in.
The Rose Ceremony
Eliminated this week:
Sharleen quit and Chelsie got eliminated. I’m not totally surprised by Chelsie’s elimation as she didn’t seem really to have the same kind of connection to Juan Pa as the other women do. She seems to be a bit immature to me and I’m sure Juan Pa saw that.
FYI, to the producers of The Bachelor, someone is leaking your results. The Bachelor Wikipedia page had this result on their page 20 minutes after the show started tonight. If I were you, I’d look in to that.
Well everyone. There are just 4 women left. Who do you think is going to win? Who of these women do you think will be the next Bachelorette? I’ll tell you now, that if Andi doesn’t get picked, she is going to be the next Bachelorette. What do you all think? Be sure to let me know.