Here we are again. I’m amazed at how fast a week passes because it feels like I am watching The Bachelor all the time. Has it already been a week since the last episode? Why can’t everything in life go as fast as the weeks in between Bachelor episodes? Let’s get to it and get in to the discussion of The Bachelor 2014 Week 5.
This week’s episode of The Bachelor takes Juan Pa and the ladies to wonderful and scenic Vietnam. Last week the gang was in Korea and now Vietnam? ABC has taken the group to two different war zones now. Where are they going next week? Scenic Fallujah? Maybe the Korengal Valley? I hear it’s beautiful this time of year. Tune in as ABC takes the cast of The Bachelor on a whirlwind tour of American war zones. There are only 11 women left trying to be the next Bachelorette so each date counts. How will this play out?
First Solo Date
The first solo date goes to one of the oldest woman left in the competition, 32 year old Renee. I don’t know if you know this, but Renee is a single parent. She might not have said it enough for you to pick up on. You also might not have known that Juan Pa also is a single parent. Did you know that? He has a daughter everyone. He has a daughter and he likes to dance. Just in case you have missed this stuff, I’m here to remind you. ABC sometimes tries to be too subtle.
The first half of the solo date I couldn’t get this scene from Full Metal Jacket out of my head. I’ve seen every Vietnam war movie ever made at least 5 times each so admittedly, my knowledge of Vietnam might be a bit dated.
I don’t think this date was terribly remarkable other than when they were alone together at dinner they talk about what? Being single parents. She has definitely got an inside track on being the last one standing (I don’t call it winning because winning is actually getting to be the next Bachelorette) because of her parenthood status.
Renee ends up getting a rose from Juan Pa proving again that going on a solo date is pretty much a guarantee to get a rose. Andi recognizes that the key is to get on solo dates because she is upset at being picked for another group date. She has not yet had a solo date and more than just her biological clock is ticking at this point.
The Group Date
The claws are really coming out with regards to Clare. She has definitely staked a claim to Juan Pa and she makes it known whenever she is around him. She can’t be more than 2 feet away from him at any point. I’m sure Juan Pa doesn’t see it, but to me Clare comes across and clingy and possessive. The other women hate her with a passion and that matters. I know this is a reality show but still, you should never get involved in a relationship with a woman who can’t be friends with other women. It’s never a good idea.
My vote for the dumbest person on the show award goes to Chelsea. Last week you’ll remember that she talked about how huge the group 2NE1 was because they were playing in a huge mall. This week, she tries to pretend that this group date she is on was all a random coincidence. Juan Pa and the ladies are just walking down a street in Vietnam and they run across a random dude that just decides to invite them all to dinner. They happen to have a huge table for everyone and plenty of authentic Vietnamese hats (I assume they are Vietnamese because they were being handed out by a local) for the whole group. If anyone watching this show believes that wasn’t set up, then you are probably not reading this because we don’t allow stupid people on our site.
The ladies have an opportunity to get even more jealous when Juan Pa takes Clare off on her own. That leaves the rest of the group date to sit back and strategize like they are on Survivor about Clare and Juan Pa’s relationship. Juan Pa takes Clare off to his suite supposedly unexpectedly but it’s awfully convenient that she had her swimsuit with her so she and Juan could get in the pool together. Clare is developing a real attachment to Juan Pa and if she is not the one chosen, could be boiling a rabbit on his stove in no time.
After the time in the pool, there is a quick transition to one on one time between Juan Pa and Sharleen. I’ve already said how much I hate Sharleen and she continues to work to earn my hatred. I don’t know what her problem is. Does she know she’s on a ridiculous reality dating show? She pretends like she is so much better than all of it but she’s there so guess what Sharleen? You are not. Nothing I hate more from people then when they purposefully dodge direct questions. Juan Pa asked Sharleen a pointed question and her response was “I can’t show all of my cards.” Really? Your act at trying to be secretive and mysterious is not working. It’s really irritating but I’m sure Juan Pa loves that.
Next is one on one time with assistant district attorney Andi. Juan Pa goes 3 for 3 on making out with each of the ladies that he took off for one on one time and Andi even goes so far as to announce that Juan Pa got to 2nd base again. Way to go Andi! You had better hope that you get your own show because I don’t know how you can go back to your job.
At the end of each group date, Juan Pa gives out a single rose and everyone’s favorite Clare got the rose. Remember that when I write this, I’m writing as I’m watching so when I said just a few sentences ago that Clare is developing a crazy attachment to Juan Pa, I didn’t know that 5 minutes later I would be proven right. Juan Pa. Dude. Never let a woman know where your house is this early in the relationship. Look what happened. She came knocking on your door at 4am. What’s her idea? Let’s go swimming in the ocean. People. I lived in Hawaii for many years and let me tell you something dumb you can do. Go get in the ocean in the dark. Was there anyone at ABC standing around thinking maybe this isn’t such a good idea or were they too interested in getting a shot of the two would be lovers in the ocean? Not seen in the camera shot? The sharks that were circling them wondering if they would be worth eating.
Second Solo Date
Juan Pa continues his tradition of torturing the women who go on dates with him by taking Nikki to a giant hole in the ground to make her rappel for the first time ever. Nikki is freaking out because she is afraid of heights and what was the other thing? Oh yea. She has never rappelled before so has no idea what she is doing. That was it.
Leave it to smooth Juan Pa though. What better time to swoop in to make out than when hanging on the face of a rock wall with a woman who is scared out of her mind? That Juan Pa is a smooth operator y’all.
Nikki knows the way to Juan Pa’s heart. She tells him the story about why she became a pediatric nurse and boom. Juan Pa gives her a rose. Hey, did you all know that Juan Pa has a daughter? He’s a single dad. I’m not kidding. Can you believe that?
The Cocktail Party
This part is something that drives me crazy. In order to get as many hours of The Bachelor on TV ever week, ABC stretches out the show to totally unnecessary lengths. Can I program this show? One hour. Solo date, group date, rose ceremony, boom. We are in, we are out, and we are on with our lives (sorry Chili’s). Instead, there are two solo dates, a group date, one on one time, and then this cocktail party prior to the rose ceremony. Ugh. It never ends.
Juan Pa breaks the news to the ladies that 3 women are going home tonight. If you haven’t been keeping score, there are only 11 women left. 3 have already received roses leaving just 8 women to go unprotected in to the rose ceremony. 3 of the 8 are going home. If you don’t have a rose right now, you are vulnerable to not getting on the Bachelorette.
Man, how right was I about Clare? I bet Juan Pa is wishing he can take that rose back right about now. He tried to tell her that he shouldn’t have gone in the ocean with her because it wasn’t fair to the other women and blah blah blah, I stopped listening to him. Clare of course was having none of it. She rightly made the point that when he was in the ocean, he obviously didn’t have any issues with what they were doing so why now. While she has a point, she is still hella crazy. She is protected already this week because Juan Pa already gave her a rose, but watch out next week. He had to spend a lot of time calming her down in this episode so I wouldn’t be surprised if he got rid of crazy after this.
The Rose Ceremony
Eliminated tonight on The Bachelor 2014 Week 5
Well that’s it for the girls from Chicago. The elimination of Alli knocked out the last of the women from Chicago. Too bad. Danielle was not a surprise and she didn’t think so either. Kelly also wasn’t a surprise but I was growing to like her. She was kind of funny and I think she wasn’t taking it very seriously. Too bad we won’t get to see her ringlead against the other women. That would have been entertaining.
There are just 8 women left. We are getting down to the end here. The decisions are going to be tougher and the craziness is going to be more on display the closer we get to the end.
So what did you think? Are your favorites still alive in the game? Who do you hate the most? Who of this group would you want to see as the next Bachelorette? Be some to let us know.