How many of you watched the Sean and Catherine wedding yesterday? I didn’t. I’m only giving The Bachelor one fricken night a week. They get me for 2 hours on Mondays and that’s all they are getting. If you watched the big wedding, how long do you give it before there is the big divorce? Do you think ABC will televise the divorce proceedings? I’d love to see that but I digress. We are here to talk about The Bachelor 2014 week 4. Gangam style (which translated means, the claws come out).
The First Group Date
So for some reason, ABC decides to pack the girls up and take everyone to Korea. Why? Who knows. There must be something ABC is trying to push in Korea to make this trip make sense. The group date features more of Juan Pablo and his love of dancing. Ladies, did you know that Juan Pablo likes to dance? Really, if you are still with this show after 3+ weeks there is no way you can’t know this because it’s mentioned as much as the fact that Juan Pablo likes his daughter.
The group date takes the girls to meet a group called 2NE1. If you didn’t know, that can be pronounced as either “twenty-one” or “two any one”. The Bachelor chose to go with the more formal pronunciation of “twenty-one” and given the seriousness of the circumstances, who can blame them? What I loved about this was how everyone was pretending to know who this group was. Not only that, I loved how they were all pretending to know what in the heck K-pop even was. I researched who this group was because I am certain that ABC owns some rights to them. They are managed by the same group that owns Psy so my guess is that ABC is going to try to bring 2NE1 to the states soon. If it happens, don’t forget that you read it here first.
Juan Pablo and the girls meet this super huge pop band that no one has ever heard of outside of Korea and everyone gets to show off their dance moves. What surprised me most about the dancing? How about how much Cassandra disappeared during the date? Remember, she tells us her current occupation is former NBA dancer. Dancing was her job. How was she not front and center on this date? She allowed Kat to come in and steal all her thunder because as it turns out, Kat was also a dancer. Who would have figured? The women all sense that Kat is becoming a front runner so the claws are starting to come out for her. Nikki, who can’t dance, really hated how Kat was acting on the date. She started complaining early about how she was behaving.
So Juan Pa (that’s what he calls himself on twitter) and the girls are practicing dancing and if you can’t see what’s coming then you must also believe that all of this is real. 2NE1 shows up to tell the group that they want them to come to their show that night but…surprise! Not as guests! As performers! Gasp! I’m like no f-ing way! That’s totally crazy that they spring this on the girls! How will they respond?
You would think that the way they were pumping this band up as the most popular group in Korea that they were going to play at a Meadowlands type of a stadium. Nope. What was the venue? A mall. That’s right. A mall. That’s how big this huge super K-pop group is. They are playing a mall. Now granted, it is a 5-story mall and it looked like the kind of mall that would totally have a Limited but still, it’s a mall.
My favorite quote of the night came from Chelsie when they were arriving at the mall for the “concert”. She said about 2NE1, “you can tell how famous they are because it’s a 5-story mall and it’s packed.” They can’t even be serious with this. I really would like to know what was behind this placement of this particular group on this show. There really has to be something going on with ABC.
After the group date Juan Pa takes some one-on-one time with a couple of the gals. As anyone who has watched the show knows, whenever you get the Bachelor or Bachelorette alone for any length of time, you have got to tell your sob story. Kat was no different. We are to week 4 and we finally get her sob story. I don’t know what it is about the people who do these shows. Do they think that is a turn on or that it’s attractive in any way? “Hey potential suitor, let me tell you about some crazy stuff that happened in my family but I don’t want you to think that it in any way makes me crazy.”
I have to give her credit for her behavior on the date. She can’t dance and it was obvious when she tried, but despite that, she never threw a fit or got angry or upset. She smiled and tried her best even when they had to perform in front of a very full mall audience.
She had a good attitude about the date but that was the extent of her good attitude. She definitely sharpened her claws and was not hiding her feelings about Kat.
The Solo Date
Sharleen gets the first solo date with Juan Pa. Let me say this now. I’m sick of Sharleen and her crap. I’m sure she thinks she the honest girl and probably runs around talking about how she has a hard time in relationships because no man can handle an honest woman. Baloney. You are full of crap. You came on a reality TV dating show and you want to act like you are better than all of this? Honey let me tell you, you are not better than anyone else on the show with you. I don’t care how many times you say you just don’t think this is going to work. You still stick around and you have no trouble at all sucking Juan Pa’s face whenever he offers it. Cut the crap and knock off the act now.
On their solo date, Juan Pa asks Sharlee, who bills herself as an Opera Singer, to sing for him. This of course breaks one of Sharleen’s rules on dating where she won’t sing for any man early in a relationship. She says that she doesn’t want the early part of her relationships to be influenced by the fact that she is an Opera Singer. That’s right Sharleen. Everyone wants to date an Opera Singer. It’s what we as men grow up dreaming about as boys. She is kidding herself. I don’t know if you can tell, but I really don’t like Sharleen.
Next drama for Sharleen, Juan Pa’s question about how many kids you want. You would think Juan Pa asked her if she had ever murdered any children. Why does she think that everything is so serious? Answer the fricken question already. When she finally gets around to answering, it’s a sob story about how her career has dominated her life. Shocking. What a revelation. We’ve never heard a woman say such a thing. Sharleen is really breaking new ground here.
Somehow this chick still gets a rose. I don’t get it. Maybe because she is so willing to let Juan Pa shove his tongue in her mouth that he is willing to keep her around. I’m going to have to insist though that if she does stay, Juan Pa is going to have to keep his tongue in her mouth because that seems to be the only way to shut her the hell up.
The Second Group Date
Let’s be honest here. By the time we get to the second group date, we are all pretty tired of all of this. I mean really. Does the show need to be two hours every week? Here let me sum up the second group date for all of you. Drama drama drama, Cry cry cry. Kiss kiss kiss. Sob sob sob. There. We are all caught up.
The only funny thing that came from this date was the cattiness of Kelly towards Clare. Clare made a big scene out of eating octopus and Kelly made the comment that she was sure that Clare has swallowed bigger things than that. Meow.
Assistant District Attorney Andi wins the rose from the group date.
The Rose Ceremony
God please let this end. After the second group date we are subjected to thirty plus minutes of the women fighting for one on one time with Juan Pa and fighting with each other over who is fake and who is real. This seems to be the number one complaint I hear after being a two season veteran of The Bachelor. All of the women think all of the other women are fake and that only they are genuine and only they are there for the right reasons. I hope all of you watching know that this game isn’t being played to try to win the show. No. The women want to tear each other down because whoever isn’t chosen as the bride that is the most popular with America will be the next Bachelorette. That is after all the entire point of being on this show. To get their own show. You can’t do it by letting some other woman become America’s favorite. You have got to tear that bitch down. It’s the same thing week in and week out. The fact that this show runs for twenty hours a week and still draws viewers is just fascinating to me.
Lauren and Elise bite it tonight. Again, no huge surprises. It is becoming more and more obvious that if you don’t spend any quality time with Juan Pa, you are going to go home. Lauren got some time with Juan Pa but she wasted her time crying and being crazy.
Just eleven ladies left and next week they are going to Vietnam. I’m sure that Vietnam is thinking to themselves that it wasn’t worth winning the war if they ever thought this would be the result.
So there we have it. The Bachelor 2014 week 4 is in the books. What did you all think? Did you watch? Who is your favorite and who do you hate? Don’t lie to me either because I know you have people solidly in both categories.
For anyone else wondering, The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays at 7:00. There are plenty of other times it’s on during the week but I only have to watch this one.