Welcome. If you are here to read about The Bachelor, be sure to check out our week 1 post. God help me but I’m doing it again. I am subjecting myself to another insufferable season of ABC’s The Bachelor. The Bachelor has a two night premiere starting this Sunday on ABC at 7:00. That’s right. It’s a two night premiere because one night of The Bachelor is not enough. Since I did a preview of The Bachelor last year I’ll do another one this year because of you know, the fan(s). So for all of you who just can’t get enough of The Bachelor, here we go with our Bachelor 2014 preview.
One of the worst things about having to watch The Bachelor 2014 is the time commitment necessary to do so. This isn’t a once a week show. Oh no. ABC runs this thing 2 times a week at the start and then later in the season, we’ll get a third airing showing us all the behind the scenes goodies that we the fans missed during the season. If you watch The Bachelor, you almost can’t watch anything else. So for the next few months, my good TV watching is going to suffer. I do it for the fans. My sacrifice is for you.
I’ve long had a theory that people do not come on to The Bachelor/Bachelorette to win the show. The premise of the show of course is that everyone is here to find love. The Bachelor/Bachelorette has had such a hard time finding their soul mate that normal dating practices just won’t cut it any more and they need TV producers to help them find love. None of the contestants on the show actually want to find love though.
What happens when you win/get selected? You disappear. What happens when you last a long time on the show, develop a fan following, and then get your heart broken? You get to be the next Bachelor/Bachelorette and have your own season. That is really what the contestants are here for. They don’t want love. They want to find enough love to possibly be the next person to have their own season.
As we head in to The Bachelor 2014 the formula holds true. Who is The Bachelor? He was a previous contestant on last season’s The Bachelorette and he had his heart broken. He’s finally healed enough that he’s ready to open his heart for love and we all get to benefit from his search.
The dude playing the part of The Bachelor 2014 is, are you ready for this, Juan. Pablo. Galavis! That’s right ladies! He’s a latin lover! Oh. My. God. How dreamy is this season going to be? He’s got an accent and two names and everything! Seriously. I can’t even deal right now.
Juan Pablo had his heart broken by Desiree on The Bachelorette and now he’s ready to find love for himself. He’s a broken man ladies. He needs a good woman to help him heal his heart and find love. Bravo ABC. You know how to program TV for women. The story line is right out of a novel that has Fabio gracing the cover.
So look at the bio information provided by ABC and tell me if there is anything strange that jumps out at you. Do you see anything in that info that strikes you as odd or unnecessary? Age? Sure we want to know how old he is. Occupation? Ok. I don’t know how being a former anything is a job but ok, we want to know what he does for work. Height? Sure. The ladies like that stuff. How about this one. Shoe size? Really ABC? Are you really going there? Is there any reason to provide shoe size other than to have your millions of female fans out there imagining how that translates to Juan Pablo’s junk? Why not just give them the measurement? Oh right. This is for women. You have to have some mystery. You can’t just come out and say it. Let the women imagine it for themselves. That way it’s perfect in the minds of each person. Man ABC. You really know what you are doing.
Head to page 2 for a look at the ladies vying for a chance to be the next Bachelorette.