The question that ran through my mind as I finally worked up the courage to press *play* on my DVR’d episode of ARROW… can it possibly be as bad as last episode??? I had vowed to myself several days prior that if I ever had to be witness to any show that was of the quality of last week’s ARROW I would probably just throw my TV away all together… it wouldn’t be worth watching anymore.
The episode opens with a some heavy spooning between Oliver and Helena. Helena obviously isn’t much of a cuddler because she sneaks out to try and shoot up some Triad gang members and instead is stopped by Oliver. Because murdering somebody with arrows: totally legit. Shooting them with a 9MM: not cool!
Between salmon ladder practice sessions for his AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR aspirations, Oliver begins training Helena on how to “handle his bow”. And also shoot arrows. Ba-zing! Lowbrow humor FTW!! After figuring out that chicks clearly have no archery talent, he buys her a crossbow and a purple costume that makes her look like a poor man’s Catwoman.
First assignment for Purple Arrow? Taking out a prescription drug runner. Which she does without casualty. All the while, Walter continues digging into his wife’s business dealings and he seems to have found another book of names much like Oliver’s.
Laurel and Tommy run into Helena and Oliver when they go out to dinner. Being as uncomfortable as possible, Helena calls it quits with Oliver and Tommy leaves in a huff.
Now let’s pause here for a second. Oliver is a secret vigilante murderer not only trying to protect his own identity but also the identity of his partner Diggle and the location of his secret hideout (as they construct the nightclub on top of it). Don’t you think it’s odd that he would then take some girl he’s known for two days and slept with once and let her know all his secrets? Then she breaks up with him a couple of days later. Whoopsies! Way to go, Oliver. How about we wait a few months next time, loverboy?
The Triad and China White (the Asian blonde) invades the Bertinelli mansion to kill everybody and is met by Green Arrow and Green Arrow’s arrows. Frank Bertinelli escapes only to be shot down by Helena. Standard fight scene ensues, Helena gets shot by her dad, Oliver drags her away, and the cops drag Frank to prison.
Tommy comes clean to Oliver about being completely broke and accepts a position as his nightclub manager. Outro to stock footage of Helena driving by in a motorcycle.
For the record:
Green Arrow body count: 2
Purple Arrow body count: 3 plus two solid maims. Daddy issues? Sorted out.
Silly semi-racist Purple Arrow quote: “I don’t speak Chinese, so I’m just going to assume you said goodbye.”
2/5. ‘Meh’ but not ‘bleh’.
Next week is the mid-season finale. According to the announcer, it is specifically ‘the unforgettable’ mid-season finale. The preview? Doesn’t look all that bad. Then again, you can only put so much lipstick on a pig… only time will tell.