American Horror Story – Spilt Milk

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So my lofty hopes of LILY RABE and/or JAMES CROMWELL somehow coming back from a crispy grave were dashed on this week’s episode of AMERICAN HORROR STORY.  With two of the biggest actors of the season out of the way, it makes more room for JOSEPH FIENNES and JESSICA LANGE to take their place driving the show.

Which is fine, but not quite the same.  I still think that Sister Mary Eunice’s storyline was cut way too short and it could have gone right to the finale to make for a bigger bang at the end.  I would envision the asylum in flames with Eunice standing in the doorway with the fire reflecting in her eyes only to be shot by the police as she approaches.  Now THAT would have been a super cool conclusion.  But after this episode ended, I turned to my wife and said “um, so what now?” because it didn’t really leave much more room for two more episodes of story.

Let’s break down the episode and the unanswered questions inside:

Note to self:  Dylan Mcdermott likes recreational drug use and lactating hookers.  This is how rumors start…

Kit is released from solitary to spend some time with Grace and their baby.  Grace names the baby Thomas and tells Kit all about her alien abduction experience.  She tells Kit that he is special somehow and so is their baby.  “People will listen to him.”  Kit asks Grace to marry him just before Monseigneur Howard bursts into the room flanked by nuns to take the baby to a foster home amid Kit and Grace’s protests.

Mother Claudia tells Lana that she will help her out of Briarcliff for good because of Sister Jude’s good words and Lana promises Jude that she will come back for her to do the same.  And she walks out the front door.  Right past Dr. Threadson.  Just like that.  Seriously?  They have been trying the same thing for 10 episodes that she accomplishes in 30 seconds.  She meets Dr. Threadson at his home with a gun and demands to know where Wendy’s body was.  After he tells her what he actually did with it (think gross) she shoots him in the head.

Lana finally gets to publish her expose on Briarcliff and hand the Dr. Threadson tapes over to the authorities effectively exonerating Kit and putting a large amount of pressure on the institution to close down.

The death of Dr. Threadson and subsequent investigation of Briarcliff makes Kit a free man.  Before he leaves he pleads for Grace’s release.  Since she is technically dead (because there was a completed certificate of death), he convinces Monseigneur Howard to release ‘her body’ to him and they leave together.  They then get their baby from the foster home and go back to Kit’s house.  When they get inside, Kit’s wife is sitting there with another baby in her arms.  A-w-k-w-a-r-d…  Maybe Kit should convert to Mormonism and start a television show called SISTER WIVES: ASYLUM.  Just a thought.

Lana goes to get a back alley abortion but is not able to follow through because she is tired of all the death.  She heads back to Briarcliff to save Jude, but Monseigneur Howard tells her that Jude is dead.  Allegedly, she hung herself with a bedsheet in the middle of the night.  Her death certificate ends up being a forgery clearly taking a hint from the stunt they pulled with Grace and Jude is tightly locked away in solitary.

Now that Bloodyface, Dr. Arden, Dr. Arden’s mutants and Sister Mary Eunice are all dead and Lana/Kit/Grace are finally out of the asylum, here’s what we have left:

  • The alien storyline.  Why is Kit so ‘special’ and who exactly is Kit and Grace’s baby?  And what exactly is going on with Kit’s abruptly-returned wife?  And where did that freaking spider robot thing scurry off to?  Are we going to see some more of the aliens’ ugly mugs?
  • The present-day Briarcliff storyline.  What was that thing in the room that ripped off ADAM LEVINE’S arm?  Clearly not one of Dr. Arden’s mutants as we were previously led to believe.
  • Then what exactly happens to Jude?  We know she’s not locked up forever and based on the previews, Monseigneur Howard wants to make some deal to let her out.
  • DYLAN MCDERMOTT’S character.  So far we know he’s a murderer and likes lactating hookers.  There’s bound to be some sort of reunion with his mother, but how is that going to be relevant to the overall season’s story?
  • Monseigneur Howard’s fate.  Let’s be honest, he’s a complete dick.  Something lousy should happen to him for karma’s sake.  IAN MCSHANE’S Lee Emerson character is still unaccounted for and might come back to play some importance along these lines.
  • …and still holding out hope that Sister Mary Eunice comes back.

Honestly, that’s material for -maybe- one episode.  So how they are planning on stretching it out, I have no idea.

I’ll go back to my previous point, I think they threw way too much material into the season to make any of it very meaningful.  Trim the alien storyline entirely as well as the ADAM LEVINE storyline in favor of more demon-posessed Eunice.  Not like they can take it back now, I suppose…

3/5 for this one… as the camera effects were really starting to get irritating by the end.  Wide angle lenses are not your friend.  Unless there is some sort of humongo-twist in the next two episodes, it’s shaping up to be a bit of a let down as far as the season is concerned.