Boost for Animal Planet is a Low for America… Mermaids: The New Evidence

little-mermaid-disneyA mermaid show on ANIMAL PLANET is almost as asinine as an alien show on THE HISTORY CHANNEL, yet the recent Sunday night special titled MERMAIDS: THE NEW EVIDENCE just ranked as the number one show of all time for ANIMAL PLANET, as well as number one in all of television for that particular timeslot with a whopping 3.2 million viewers.  A show.  About.  Mermaids.  And HANNIBAL is teetering on cancellation.  Go freaking figure.

(Reference picture is from Mermaids: The Old Evidence)

Perhaps this can give the crew of FINDING BIGFOOT another equally-as-findable cryptozoological object to lust over.  Bobo can leave an open can of tuna on a rock next to the ocean and scream into the horizon to see if Ariel flops out to get it.  Which begs the question: do mermaids eat fish, or would that be considered some strange form of cannibalism?  If they don’t eat fish what do they eat?  Probably your eternal soul.

According to Marjorie Kaplan, the president of ANIMAL PLANET: “The phenomenon of MERMAIDS has truly been a watershed – and a watercooler – moment for Animal Planet.  These extraordinary television specials have electrified, challenged & entertained television audiences and online fans alike.”

Watershed?  More like Waterhead.  It has certainly electrified and entertained challenged television audiences everywhere. (see what I did there?)  What’s next on the docket, FLYING PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS: THE EXPOSE?  How about A MODERN TREATSIE ON CENTAURS?  Or A STUDY OF NON-SURGICALLY ALTERED REAL HOUSEWIVES STARLETS?  Each of these have one striking thing in common: they don’t exist.

Attempting to give ANIMAL PLANET benefit of the doubt, I referenced their mission statement which states, in part “[We will immerse] viewers in the full range of life in the animal kingdom with rich, deep content”.  “Full range of life” in this case including both actual life and the imaginary.  Perhaps they should adopt MWTVG’s credo of “selling out with minimal integrity”, because I’m sure that ours is hitting at a much higher level of accuracy.