Pawn Stars

PAWN STARS is a reality show that airs on The History Channel.  If you are not familiar with this show,  you might be asking yourself, “why would this show be in The History Channel?  Isn’t that the Hitler network?”  Well it used to be.  It’s not any more.  The History Channel has gone all MTV on us and airs show after show that really have nothing to do with history but I digress.  I was here to talk about this show.

Ok anyway, PAWN STARS airs on History and is a reality show about a pawn shop in Las Vegas.  What?  A pawn shop in Vegas?  Well, that can’t help but be interesting can it?  Yes and no.

When the show first started airing, it was really interesting.  First, none of us, well most of us, don’t know how a pawn shop works so getting to see a pawn shop in operation was interesting.  Second, a pawn shop in Las Vegas can’t help but be interesting because if we  have learned anything from CASINO, we know that anyone who lives in Vegas is a degenerate gambler so they will likely have to pawn their treasures to pay back their loan sharks. And third, the people that work in the pawn shop are somewhat interesting (when you first start watching).

Ok so after you watch a season or so of this show you will have it down.  You will know the language and you will be able to spot the crap that walks in and know when the guys might have something worthwhile.  How will you be able to spot this?  Simple.  Because they just about never have anything worthwhile.  Let me give you a typical scene:

Pawn victim: Hello how are you?

Pawn Star: Doing good (notice I used good instead of well to denote their lack of grammar skills?  That is what we call good writing.)

PS: What have you got there?

PV: Well I have this hat that was owned by Abraham Lincoln that has been in my family since 1865 that I would like to pawn.

PS: Wow.  Abraham Lincoln’s hat huh?  That is really interesting and cool and if it really is his hat could be worth $1 million dollars.

PV: $1 Million dollars!  I’m rich bitch!

PS: Hang on a second.  Let me get my guy down here to take a look at this so we can verify that this was in fact Honest Abe’s hat.

PV: Sure that sounds good.  After all, what can go wrong with you bringing in your own personal consultant that you pay yourself and is essentially a member of your staff?

PS: Nothing can go wrong for me in this.

(Cut to cutaway scene where the guy explains that whenever the guys have anything historical to look at that they call him down to the shop to help out.)

(Cut to inside pawn shop will the victim and the two partners all looking at Abe’s hat while the “expert” begins to talk about it)

Expert: Ok well this is a pretty good looking hat and it certainly looks like a hat that would have belong to Abraham Lincoln.  What can you tell me about it?

PV: Well, my great-great-great-great (I’m not sure how many greats I need to get back to the Civil War days so just go with me on this) grandfather was in Ford’s Theater the night Abe was shot and he picked this hat up off the ground and it’s been in our family ever since.

Expert: Ok well that is very interesting.  Well after looking at this hat I can say without a doubt that this is a copy of Abe’s hat and is not an original.  You see right here inside the hat band?  Well it’s stamped with the date 1905.  Clearly this isn’t Abe’s hat since he was already dead.

PV: Wow that sucks.  I thought I was rich.

Expert: Well you are not totally out of luck.  This one is very rare and I would say that it has a value of around $5,000.

PV: Ok well that’s not too bad.

PS: Ok Expert, thanks for your help.  Ok victim, you heard the man.  He said it was worth $5,000 so I can offer you $14 for it.

PV: $14?  He just said it was worth $5000.

PS: Yes that is the retail value I can sell it at.  You understand that I have to be able to make a profit here right?

PV: Yes, well….

PS: And this hat won’t sell quickly and will sit on my shelf so $14 is as high as I can go.

PV: Ok well can you do $15?

PS: Ok but I’m really doing you a favor here.

(Cut to outside the shop where angry victim yell at the camera that he is shocked that he didn’t get a good deal at a pawn shop)

And Scene…

If you haven’t seen the show, I just summed it all up for you and now you don’t have to watch.  You can thank me later.

For any Hollywood producers out there who are reading this blog, yes my scripting skills are for hire.  Feel free to contact me with your generous offers.