2 Broke Girls, 1 Broke America

So I watched an episode of 2 BROKE GIRLS tonight because, as a professional writer, it is my duty to do the unpleasant things that professionals sometimes have to do in the name of our craft.

So after watching this episode tonight, I have to ask, WTF is wrong with you America?  Over 4 million people watched this show last week!  It was the 11th highest rated show on broadcast TV last week!  What this tells me is that there are over 4 million American’s out there who can’t be trusted with sharp objects.  Yes, if you watch this show, I am saying that you should be monitored.

Let’s run down the problems:

The show has a fricken laugh track.  A laugh track people.  What does it mean when a show has a laugh track?  Well, in general, when a show has a laugh track, it usually means that the show is so blindingly un-funny that you have to be told where to laugh OR it means that the writers have such little faith in those who are watching the show that they feel they need to notify them when to laugh.  Either way, it’s never a good sign for a show to have a laugh track.  Does MODERN FAMILY have a laugh track?  No?  But how can that be?  How do we know if it’s funny or not?

Has Jennifer Coolidge (AMERICAN PIE) had a stroke?  Something has got to be wrong with her.  Either that or she is actually trying to act that way.  Now I know that she is not exactly a Royal Shakespearian actor by any means but seriously, something is wrong.
We are to believe that the blonde girl that plays the Caroline character went to Wharton?  How would I know this after just having watched 1 episode?  Well she said it at least 3 times.  At first I was confused what she meant by repeating that to whoever would listen but then CBS was kind enough to provide me with a laugh track to let me know that I was supposed to be laughing at that “joke.”

Garret Morris is on this show!?  I am sad for our country that an original cast member of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE has been reduced to being on this show.  Either the producers of this show knocked on Garret’s front door with a wheel-barrow full of money or he is in deep to a loan shark named Benny who was either more a fan of Roseanne Rosanna Danna or had a relative killed by a shotgun wielding black guy (I was going to tell you to look that one up so you would get the joke but I’ll give you a pass tonight and just give you the reference for the joke here)

The writing is god awful.  I mean really.  They try to write a punch line a minute and just keep going with one liner after one liner hoping that something will hit.  There isn’t any real dialogue at all.  The characters interact exclusively with one liners.

The writing is awful part deux.  In tonight’s episode, our heroines were trying to get their cupcake business off the ground.  They of course immediately get invited on cupcake wars because it’s apparently not that hard to get on that show and if it were, we would not have the hilarious situation that the girls have just been thrown in to for our enjoyment.  So, the girls go through bad introductions but that’s not even the worst part of this.  The worst part was the very very very very very very sad attempts at physical comedy.  First there was the obvious spilling of milk going for a cheap laugh and then our Wharton educated blondie puts an entire bag of flower in a power mixer but doesn’t do anything….yet.  You see the comedy thats coming?  If you are a fan of the show, then I would bet you didn’t.  Since I’m not, I was able to predict the whackiness that was about to happen.  Wouldn’t you know that blondie turned on the blender at high speed!!!!!  I nearly split my gut with laughter.  Who could have seen that coming?  Oh those girls.  Lucille Ball rolled over in her grave tonight BTW.

The main characters seem to refer to themselves as sluts or whores quite a bit.  Is this something women do a lot of?  My guess is that this is some kind of Chick Lit thing that is popular with 20-something women these days.  To me, it’s not funny.  Try having some talent and making actual jokes.  Name calling is cheap.  I’ve said the writing on this show is bad, so are the characters.  What exactly are people watching this show for?  Are those two girls really that compelling?


Ok, so clearly I am not a fan.  I’m very sad that over 4 million people watch this show.  For reference, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT had only 3.4 million people watch the series finale. If that isn’t an indictment of America, I don’t know what is.