10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty Expose – Part 1 (of 10)

Or: Brief commentary on the phenomena of stupid reality television

Egads! Scooped by MIDWEST MO yet again…

Ok, so kidding on the 10-part part… I’ll just whip it all up into one monster post. Based on the shows I cover (incidentally being at least 4 of the top shows in cable television, but I digress…), bigfoot shows might very well be a logical extension of my viewing habits.

But they’re not.

Primarily because they’re stupid.

Secondarily because they’re not real.

Breaking News, FINDING BIGFOOT fans and strapping young squatchers alike: your televised pack of heroes will never be victorious, because there has never and will ever be such thing as a Sasquach. Please take a moment and let truth sink in…

To all you hardcore squatchateers out there… how do I know this? Well, I don’t know. But being a lucid, logical and rational member of the human condition, I can be pretty reasonably sure of myself.

Now that’s not to say that unreal stupid reality television can’t simultaneously be great entertainment, taking GHOST ADVENTURES and ANCIENT ALIENS for prime examples (I love those shows). But Finding Bigfoot is downright idiotic, and I’m sure that the 10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty will be equally pointless (albeit seemingly [hopefully] tongue-in-cheek).

I think the difference lies in perceived plausibility based on the ‘evidence’ set forth. Let’s compare common evidence collected and offered for the three mentioned shows:

Ghost Adventures: We think ghosts are real. We have some actual scientific equipment in addition to some pseudo-scientific equipment to take measurements of real things to find abnormalities or fluctuations to fit around our premise of ghosts being real. We find some mysterious voices that directly correlate to our questions. And we also find some visual evidence of mists and orbs that lend themselves to our hypothesis. Plus, we wear black clothing with screenprinted skulls… so go suck it.

Ancient Aliens: We think aliens are real. Through archaeological discovery and thorough historical research, we offer a hypothesis that the earth was seeded by aliens. There is plenty of non-specific and non-explainable, yet compelling evidence and enough strange history from pretty much every culture to pull from and lend credence to our assumptions. Sure we tell a bunch of half truths, but those half truths all uniformly point back to our hypothesis.

Finding Bigfoot: We think the sasquatch is real. We go camping in the woods. We lay out some old pizza on a log and make funny screaming noises in the dark. During the night we hear knocking sounds. The next morning, the pizza is gone. On our thermal imaging camera, we see warm things moving in the woods. There is no other logical explanation… obviously was a ‘squatch. (and certainly not BOBO’s 3 am bathroom break and hunger pangs)

If you’ve never seen any of these shows, I’m not exaggerating all that much.

So while in an alternate universe you can look at Ghost Adventures or Ancient Aliens and think “they have a decent point”, Finding Bigfoot stands out like a sasquatch in a Jack Link’s commercial. Again, it’s all about critical thinking skills, and I would suggest/encourage the cast of Finding Bigfoot to take a class in introductory logic.

Important to Note: I don’t want to discourage anybody from joining MIDWEST MO’s “Midwest Bigfoot Guys” team… let the applications flow! If nothing else, it gives a good excuse to get together and drink beer.