Fun Movie Quotes:
“Son, you got a panty on your head.” — Raising Arizona
“I want my two dollars!” — Better Off Dead
“Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief.” — Galaxy Quest
“You’re killin’ me Smalls!” — The Sandlot
“Inconceivable!” — The Princess Bride

Those are some of my favorites, now on to the rest of around the web.  It’s Friday!!!

• We think we finally figured out were Midwest Mike has been.  He’s been partying with Amanda Bynes for the last couple of weeks.  That had to be one hell of a bender, culminating in a police chase and her throwing a bong out of her apartment window, leading to her being held for a psychiatric evaluation.  No word on the others at the party.  Godspeed Midwest Mike.  (Amy Grindhouse)

• I was all set to make fun of Jennifer Aniston’s new movie where she plays a stripper that does yada yada, does it really matter?  Then I saw a preview of the movie and dammit it looks funny.  It’s got Ron freaking Swanson in it so you know it’s good.  (Lainey Gossip)

• There are no small jobs just small people as they say.  So to the guy who was in charge of Alyssa Milano’s breasts during filming of her new pilot Mistresses, we salute you.  Also, and I think I speak for all the writers her at MWTVG, we are available and willing to work for significantly less then the going rate.  We’re talking illegal immigrant wages here.  (Seriously OMG)

• The Bachelorette is set to again take up space and pollute the airwaves next week.  Can you believe this show started in 2003, I know I can’t.  So in it’s honor, Jimmy Kimmel gives us The Baby Bachelor.  You would have thought it was MTV doing this.  (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Hot actress of the day – Gillian Jacobs from Community.  (Esquire)

She’s got a smile it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky.  Now and then when I see her face she takes me away to that special place and if I’d stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry.  Guns & Roses

It’s rainy and cold here in Chicago, so let’s see what’s going on around the web in your neighborhood.

• Holy good god, Paris Hilton just signed a deal with some company named Cash Money Records.  I guess having just watched a completely lip synced Billboard Music Awards show, anybody (I’m looking at you Selena) can be a music star today.  Remember when this ended the career of Milli Vanilli?  They weren’t frauds, they were pioneers.  Can a Farrah Abraham deal be too far away?  (Starcasm)

• I won’t go too hard on Kendall Jenner as she is only 17 and has Kris and Bruce Jenner for parents.  Kendall recently tweeted that she wishes it wasn’t so hard all the time.  Look, I get that it’s tough for a millionaire model with an 87 IQ today.  That didn’t stop Francis Cobain (daughter of the late Kurt Cobain) from chiming in and ripping Kendall a new one.  (Hollywoodite)

• He always has to be involved in something.  Jose Canseco is being investigated for raping a fitness instructor in Las Vegas.  Jose obviously feels he is being wrongly accused and took to twitter to challenge the alleged victim to a game of truth or dare, daring her to tell the truth.  He made some other ominous threats that should form the cornerstone of a great defense.  Hey Jose, when you run into OJ, let us know how he’s doing.  (The Superficial)

• This one’s for the parents.  The kids at College Humor are giving away $5,000 to the neediest college student.  Click on the link for the application and their definition of “neediest”.  (College Humor)

• Hot actress of the day – Emmy Rossum from Shameless.  (Esquire)

Isn’t that the way they say it goes? But let’s forget all that and give me the number if you can find it so I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show I’ve overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well I only wish my words could just convince myself that it just wasn’t real but that’s not the way it feels.  Jim Croce

Here’s what is going on around the web on hump day.

• The word hero is thrown around a lot, but Jon Bon Jovi coming out and calling Justin Bieber the A word makes him mine.  Well not really, but I think it’s pretty funny.  It finally feels like Bieber’s 15 minutes of fame is coming to an end.  It was at least 14 minutes too long if you ask me.  (The Superficial)

• Those marketing geniuses over at MTV are at it again.  To promote next weeks episode of Ke$ah’s show, they played a clip about how some people drink their own urine.  Of course Kesha decides to do it.  Right before she takes a sip, the screen goes black, leaving you to wonder 1) does she do it and 2) why the hell are you watching this?  (Seriously OMG)

• Did you really think a day would pass without a Farrah Abraham update?  Turns out the “star” of Backdoor Teen Mom, has signed a deal with some company named Spinboi Films to produce some reality TV show.  That’s just great, now I have another show to not watch.  (Reality Tea)

• It appears the education system in the UK is just as bad as in the US.  How else could you explain why Emma Way would take to Twitter to brag about running a cyclist off the road.  You should click on the link to read her genius post.  Oh and she also posted some other Twitter gems.  (Perth Now)

•  Hot actress of the day – Emmanuelle Chriqui from Entourage.  (Coed)

Seinfeld Quotes:
What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked.

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Here’s what is going on around the web for Tuesday.

• Further supporting my theory that attractive female celebrities are either at work or lounging by a pool in a skimpy bikini, Olivia Munn was recently photographed for Esquire Magazine.  Spoiler alert – it was not at work.  (Egotastic)

• Get your first look at an all blue Jennifer Lawrence on the set of X-Men.  I continue to not understand the fascination with her.  She looks about the same to me all blue as she does normally.  (Pink Is The New Blog)

• Miley Cyrus has a new album coming out and what better way to promote it then by posing in a swimsuit on the cover. (Popoholic)

• Also, in news that should shock no one, Courtney Stodden says she has filmed her own porno.  Oh, but you can’t see it, she’s keeping it private, except for telling us it exists.  (D Listed)

• You guys seem to love stuff from the 80′s.  Well here’s 80 things from the 80′s.  Who could forget Garbage Pail Kids?  (Buzz Feed)

• Hot actress of the day – Candice Accola from The Vampire Diaries.  (Fan Pop)